Today I say with utmost confidence and pride that I am 2 years sober. Compared to my first year of sobriety, this one saw an absence of me posting regularly on this blog. I wanted to challenge myself to take forward all the lessons learned about myself in the first year and really apply them actively and without distraction. Just like the first year there were peaks and valleys. Moments where I really thought is everything I’m doing worth it and moments where I wanted to scream from the rooftops full of joy as I saw my life improving right before my eyes. So without further a do, let’s dive in and reflect on the events and feelings of the last year.
One of the greatest changes I made over this last year is to really let your gut and intuition lead the way. I was letting it lead my life before, but I did so with cowardice and doubt. This last year I surrendered to my intuition and let it take my life in the direction that it felt best fit. I utilized it as my sole decision maker for everything from selecting jobs, a place to live, the friends I made, the friends I lost, the places I would visit, the goals I would work towards, etc. Most importantly this allowed me to live a life where I was doing everything I desired. I was doing things I wanted to do despite how inhibited I may have felt or how much fear made me second guess myself. I am still learning to harness trusting your intuition energy, but from what I have been able to over this last year I have developed a feeling of freedom and independence I’ve never had before. I’m finding myself become more fearless and grabbing life by the horns and it brings me so much joy that I am growing in this way.
This increasing ability to be fearless and bold has also brought me a sense of peace and inner calm. I’ve noticed over this period of my sobriety that I am able to make more confident and clear decisions aided by my heightened intuition. More importantly I have come back into a state of mind where I know emotionally whether or not I am ready for things. This newfound sense of what are my personal boundaries and what limits I can push makes me feel so in control of my body and mind. I finally feel as if I am the gatekeeper of my emotions instead of being at the will of the world. I have come to accept the way I am feeling is that of my own doing. Only I can change the way that I feel. I don’t hide behind facades anymore and try to minimize my emotions to be accepted, seem more pleasant, or maintain a sense of composure that does not reflect what I feel internally. I’m in a place now where my heart and soul speak for me in a way that they never did before. The anxiety, depression, and pain in my mind has become less and less of a filter that has limited my ability to express myself. I am open. I feel energy move through my body with no blockages and with such freedom that it invigorates me. I am revitalized. I am strong. I am powerful.
“Faster than the speeding light she’s flying
Trying to remember where it all began
She’s got herself a little piece of heaven
Waiting for the time when earth shall be as one”
There are so many lessons that I learned and pieces of advice I have received or given myself this year. I don’t want to bore y’all with the list so I’m just going to drop some of my favorites/highlights in this post for you all to consider on your own journey’s:
“If it doesn’t matter in 5 years, it doesn’t matter.”
“Poise is the the product of pain, dissatisfaction, and a willingness to lose control of oneself.”
“Everything is as it should be, until you decide to challenge that. Do so boldly and unapologetically.”
“There are two sides to every story and only one side you are able to tell, that which is your own. Don’t waste your breath trying to tell a story that you are not a part of.”
“Comfort is wanting to throw caution to the wind and not look back. Bliss is the feeling of taking matters into your hands. Independence is the combination of both.”
Going into my third year of sobriety I will grow more. That I know is true and how I do it will be completely in my control. I am going to begin another reinvention and I am embracing what will become of me. The unknown doesn’t frighten me in the way it used to. I take comfort in not knowing what will happen next. Multiple times over this year I bit the bullet and let the winds of fate take the lead. So far I have not been disappointed. That being said I’m approaching year 3 with no expectations. I am open to all the possibilities that may come my way and I will utilize my newfound fearless intuition to guide me down the appropriate life. I will live this year in pursuit of desire and joy that is tailored and personalized to fulfill me in every state. I’m closing my eyes and throwing the dart and going wherever it lands with the intent to push my limits and expand my horizons. I was isolated often this year and this upcoming year I want to bring more people into my life and grow alongside them and explore with them. So before I go, I want it to be known that I am liberated. I am an enigma who continues to take their spot in the world. Try and stop me if you can. I won’t back down. I will inspire and empower those around me to come into their own. We all can be our best selves when we receive enough love and open our world to others. I want to challenge you all to do so the way I have the 2 last years. It’s something you will not regret. I guarantee it.
What Are You Waiting For?