41 Weeks Sober

Today I am 290 days sober!

Hey everyone! How’s it going?

I feel like it’s been a while since I just sat here and took the opportunity to fill you guys in about what’s going on in my life. A lot of exciting things have happened and I figured it would be nice to talk about what was going on outside of my constantly whirring mind. I figured an update would also be a nice break from the reflective moments of insights and realizations of my sobriety journey. It’s been a quite a busy week in all honesty and my mind needs a break from deep reflective thinking. Don’t worry, next week I should be back in full swing with plenty to reflect on, think about and share with you all.

Alright let’s get serious. Time for the play-by-play of my recent events.

I am still in school since my last update. My second to last quarter to be exact. I graduate with my bachelor’s degree in just a mere 4 months! I cannot express just how excited and thrilled I am to be so close to finishing. The beginning of my career is just around the corner! Look out world, a newly established young professional is coming your way!

That being said, I’m busting my ass to make sure that I finish this last leg strong and have options lined up for me come graduation day. This quarter alone I’ve challenged myself to take 20 credits, which if you’re on the quarter system is a death sentence. Especially considering I work as a barista as well as going to school. Oh, but it doesn’t stop there. I figured why not get another job too? I mean, I do need the money for tuition and a little more work experience could never hurt anyone, right? So I did just that.

Side Note. As I was telling my therapist about this, I shit you not, she looked at me and said, “Are you crazy?” I literally looked her straight in the eyes and said, “Yes. You’re just now figuring that out?” She’s got her work cut out for her dealing with me. End Side Note.

I am now working in my school’s Diversity Center which I am so stoked to be apart of. I am very passionate and dedicated to working against oppression and learning about ways in which we can dismantle the system we currently live in. This job allows me to work directly with students, faculty, and other community activists to learn how to do just that. More importantly, I am helping to facilitate and provide a safe space for students of marginalized groups (myself included) to come together and give them a space to openly express themselves without fear. The Diversity Center is still in its genesis, but I imagine it becoming a powerful force at my university as a force for change. I mean it’s existence is the result of student activism. Pretty badass right?

Alright now that we’ve got my career and school shit out of the way, Let’s get a little more personal. Let’s talk about my sobriety more generally.

I recently went to my old coworkers’ wedding with some of my friends. I was hesitant to go for a very obvious reasons. Alcohol. Weddings are infiltrated with booze. So, I had to ask myself if I was ready or not to handle this event. After making excuse after excuse to try to not go, I ultimately decided to go. I said to myself, “Fuck it, what could go wrong?” Nothing. Absolutely nothing went wrong. I had an amazing time and felt totally comfortable and safe in that environment. This is a huge step forward. A HUGE step forward. Even though I tried to sike myself out, I didn’t. I didn’t let my anxiety get the better of me. But most importantly, I had fun. Good Sober Fun.

A couple of weeks ago I was beginning to doubt if I was ever going to feel joy in sobriety. I was so scared that I would fuck everything up if I put myself in an environment where booze was so easily acceptable and almost encouraged to drink. I was convinced for the rest of my life that I would have to avoid situations where I encountered unfamiliar people and potential peers who would undoubtedly pressure me. Nobody did that. I never felt threatened at this wedding. It was an eye opening moment for me because It finally got me out of my head and made me realize nobody cares if I drink or not. I could be sober in these situations and no one would think differently of me. My biggest takeaway from this experience is undoubtedly recognizing and embracing my ability to be sober and have fun in potentially threatening environments. This newfound pleasure has brought me a sense of peace and confidence that I can and will be okay in other environments like this. I am strong enough to resist the temptation. I can have a good time without alcohol. I can be social and sober without feeling pressured.

Checking In With Confidence:

Taylor James