Today I am 178 days sober!
This week I felt myself living between the emotional extremes. Some days I was manic, others depressive. Imagine I am a kite and at the will of the wind. Some days I would get swept up in the full and powerful gusts and be taken into the clouds. Captivated by the view at astronomical heights and burning with ecstasy: I felt truly alive. Other days I waited in vain and desperation for even the slightest breeze to lift me off the cold earth. Fearing what may become of me in the state of stillness, frozen in the bleakness of a chilly winter day. A constant process of rise and fall out of my control. My emotions made their presence known this week and held me close like a lover does under the sheets. Their intention to help me deal with my baggage that flew open and spilled out. Their intention to show me the person that I have become today and the growth I am experiencing. I was reminded that continued growth involves opening your mind to the unknown and going into situations with the confidence that you’ll stand tall and hold firm. Invincibility lies in the ability to admit defeat and rise again.
We all have those days where we get lost in our minds and deprecate ourselves until we are nothing but dust. We cannot allow ourselves to do that. That would be admitting complete defeat to the world which tries to tear us down. We cannot sell ourselves short because we have been led to believe that our flaws are the defining aspects of our value. Fuck that bullshit. You create your value. Love yourself and the world will too. Sounds easy right? It’s not. You have to fight tirelessly against the concept of conformity to really shine in our culture. Individuality comes at heavy and burdensome price many are not willing to pay. I say make the investment. Fight back for what was taken from you. Take your place, make your mark, and live you life.
I want to take this opportunity, in this moment of an extremely elevated mood, to assert some positive truths about myself to come back to when I need a kick in the ass. The first truth is that I am irreplaceable in this world. No one could ever inherently take my place in this vast big world. I’m no carbon copy, bitch. The second truth is my beauty is more than skin deep. My heart possesses the ability to love so deeply and openly. My mind was blessed with a unique and creative perspective in which to express myself. My soul given a healthy and strong body in which to inhabit and thrive in. The third truth is that I my spirit is free of restraint. Tell me what to do and I’ll do the opposite. Put me in a box and I’ll shred it into pieces. Fabricate my existence and sew it back together stronger than before. Marching to the beat of my own drum and screaming from the roof top, let my presence be known. I am unstoppable. I am my own.
“And Those Who Were Seen Dancing Were Thought To Be Insane By Those Who Could Not Hear The Music” – Frederich Nietzsche
Shaking Up The System: