Today I am 157 days sober!
I want to start of by saying happy holidays to everyone! I’m wishing you all nothing but joy and happiness this holiday season as you spend time with those you love and care for. Remember to tell these people why you love them and make the effort to really spend some quality time with your loved ones. In the end, these are the people who are looking out for you and are cheering you on to success in life. They deserve your utmost respect and attention.
The holidays are a confusing time for me. You could say that I have a very love/hate relationship with the holiday season. The stress of shopping, traveling, pre-holiday organizing is enough to drive me clinically insane. Not to mention this year my car died on the freeway heading to my Dad’s family christmas to add just a little more stress to it all! Even more embarrassing the state trooper who helped me was super cute and I was just a babbling, word vomit consumed mess! What I would have given for a Xanax in that moment. Let’s just say it’s been a week, but more realistically it’s been a busy month! I know I’m not the only one who feels this way I’m sure. Despite those little superficial details, I find the holiday season to be a very warm and happy time in my life. I get to spend time with those I love and to me that’s the true reason to celebrate during the holidays. Trying to validate how much you care about someone through the amount of presents and money spend on them is bullshit. People value quality time more than material things. If that’s not the case you should probably have a conversation with those people and their understanding of what it means to feel appreciated. Nothing beats that warm and cozy feeling of being in the company of others filling the air with excitable laughter.
This will be my first christmas sober in 4 years and already it feels so different. Different in the sense that I am able to really enjoy all the ups and downs of the holiday season. It’s strange being fully present in this time of the year. I used to spend so much time trying to distance myself from everyone around me to make myself appear fine and put together. I’m more energetic this year not having to put forth all my energy to hide my addictive tendencies behind an intricately fabricated facade. Oddly enough this holiday season has been a very quiet one. Even with all this extra energy, I didn’t really go out and partake in holiday events and things of that sort. When I did though I thoroughly enjoyed it because it was with those near and dear to me in my life. I got to make wonderful sober memories with these people that I can remember forever. A once grim, dark, and depressing time for me has become a period of the year that’s filled with light, laughter, and love.
As we all now take a nose dive right into the brute of the holiday season remember to smile and enjoy each others company. Envelop yourself in the abundance of cheer and allow yourself to make the most of the holidays. Next week is going to be a great week full of celebration. My birthday is on the 27th and I’m very much looking forward to it. More importantly, I’m excited to celebrate with all my friends and family as I get one year older and one step closer to a brighter future. Here’s to happiness and good health!