Today I am 5 Months Sober!
I can’t express the sense of pride I feel within myself for making it this far. Life continues to move by and forward regardless of how slow it may be slugging along in my head. A lot of the time it seems as if I’ve just fallen asleep for a quick nap. Only to realize my endlessly eternal dreams that seem to span the course of history are encapsulated in just a short hour or so. Time is a peculiar and complex thing.
The weight of sobriety can only be described as like having two elephants on each of your shoulders. Debilitating mentally and physically, but yet somehow this backbreaking feeling seems to fade. Lessening to the point of non-existence. Where does it go? It’s a question I am still trying to figure out. With each new day and each passing week, you find yourself in a position where there is nowhere to go but up. Growing higher and higher until your head’s in the sky, free from a burnt out desire. In a state of bliss floating on cloud nine, all thanks to the concept of time.
Time. This is the concept I have come to understand and accept this month. Time is that intangible force working for and against us. As much as it likes to limit our experiences in a logical, sequential frame of reality, it also works to move us away from those cemented moments of darkness and weakness of yesterday we yearn to part from. Time is the best medicine for a wounded soul, broken heart, and a series of unfortunate events. With each sunrise and sunset, low and high tide, and birth and death: We Heal. Time passively works its magic to help us forget and look forward to something better just over the hill on the other side. Many of us wait impatiently and force improvements that we know cannot just happen immediately. Impulsively driven, we seek to fix what is before us out of fear we will miss out the opportunity to reap the benefits of life in a sullen and broken state. This is a deadly, hindering mindset. A mindset that seeks to suppress our ability to feel and drown us in a state of deep hopelessness caused by a desire to always be at our best. It’s okay to be at your worst sometimes. It’s okay to not be okay. It makes you human.
What kind of life would we all be living if we only felt one emotion? Don’t hold back, let yourself be known and claim your humanity. Time seeks to let us be human and experience the world around us through every success and failure. Period after period and reinvention after reinvention we surrender to time. Each instance with the intention to gain something more out of life. Time is what we make of it. We are in control of the time we are given and we have the power to take that time away and work to gain more. Some of us want to race through life and make it to the top and others want to meander around and find what makes them happy. Like a rare diamond, time must be treasured. Down the road we all run out of it, take our final breaths, and leave this world. Time well spent is a life well lived.
Deep in thought this month, away from the commotion outside, I discovered my relationship with time. Although I felt I had spent too many days hidden away wallowing away over things I knew I couldn’t get back, that time was well spent. It helped me gain a sense of understanding and allowed me to embrace what is to come next. I have regained my presence in my sobriety after a period of time spent astray. Wandering into places, people, and situations that were not good for me. Time has helped me, whether I feel like a lot of it has passed or not. I’m stronger than I used to be. Yes, the efforts I have put forth have played the most vital role, but time has proven itself prominent on this journey. Each minute that ticks by I feel myself coming back into my own. Like how the phoenix rose from the ashes, I am reborn and blessed with the ability to take my time. Step by step I continue to walk forward and take back what is mine.
Just Passing The Time: