20 Weeks Sober.

Today I am 143 days sober!

This week I found myself feeling very content and comfortable. This week was the last week of class for me and I officially ended my quarter Wednesday afternoon. It’s such a relief to be done with fall quarter. The classes were pretty heavy on the workload and then I found myself struggling to stay sober as most of my attention went toward school. That being said, I have just about month to regroup now and take the time for myself. I intend to take this time seriously and really relish in this lack of responsibility to enjoy myself, sober of course!

Comfortable and content. Two words to describe my emotional state of being this week. After a rocky end of November, I experienced a triumphant return to form. I remembered the power that I have in my self-expression and it is something that I should never apologize for and exercising that power is integral to the well-being of my soul. This breakthrough has left me in a mood that’s longing to explore more elements of my being that have been suppressed or struggling to come through. Rebuilding took a steady halt for a while, but that’s okay. It’s ultimately helping me build a strong and ever so sturdy foundation on which to build upon. With matters of the mind one should be cautious. Careful attention must be paid to every little detail no matter how insignificant it may be. That little detail could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back if left unaccounted for.

Meditation is something that I have done throughout this sobriety journey, but this week I made an extra effort to do it more than usual. Once a week is what I normally aim for. This week I meditated on three different occasions. One of which was so incredibly powerful that what I saw whilst removed from the world could be described as heaven. Another produced such a numbing emptiness, blurring the lines between life and death. I bared witness to two completely opposite experiences that exist within my subconscious. It makes me wonder what else is going on in there? Could the answer to many of my questions about moving forward in life be within my own mind? It’s a mystery to me. A spiritual experience that I am eager to undergo and mediate. Surrendering entirely. 

Introspection and Imagination. Two powerful concepts I am taking with me through my meditation journey. Serving as the guides to my escapade of the psyche. Epiphany after epiphany I will get closer to my truth. Eyes shut and mind wide open. A unconscious journey to save what was almost discarded.

Finding Zen:

Taylor James