Today I am 115 days sober!
What a week. Emotions were high and feelings were in full force. I along with others had many strong feelings about this weeks events. However, I did not see a reason to get all up in arms about what had happened. It was a result of inaction on our parts as people because we have forgotten what action means. We took comfort in what we know and believe as Americans instead of pushing what we could know. American Life will never be the same.
My visceral response to this election made me realize something very powerful about myself. Before my life took a turn to the dark side, I was known for being ridiculously outspoken and opinionated. I never held back and stood up for what I believed in. To this day I am still trying to figure out what caused me to become silent and dormant within my thoughts. The results of this silence were disastrous on my self-esteem and my ability to express myself. For the longest time I was never able to vocalize my opinion out of fear of being shamed and ridiculed. Drinking helped with that because it numbed my mind to a point where I just didn’t even have an opinion anymore. I do have an opinion. I made it very clear that I have an opinion this week and it gave me such a feeling of fulfillment. I found my voice again. The silence had been broken. I cranked up the volume of my old broken stereo that could only seem to play the same song, or so I thought. Underneath all the static and skipping was a melody rich in passion, emotion, confidence, and strength. The wait was over, the messages would finally be delivered to the world. Postmarked by yours truly.
Controversy is something I am no stranger to. I have experienced a lot in my life and I feel so strongly that sometimes I can’t help but say or do things that push boundaries and make people uneasy. It’s a good thing, believe me when I say so. Shock value is not something to scoff at and be looked down upon. Sometimes it takes something bold and brave to start the conversation we refuse to have. Testing the waters is what I love to do to keep myself from drowning. Sinking into a life that is familiar and simple. I will not fit a mold. I will not do what I am told. This life is mine, all my own. Stagnation is the by-product of accepting that which we know and understand. I refuse to let people make their way through life comfortably. Doing so would be the biggest disservice to yourself. Isolation within your own realm and sphere is a mundane and bleak place. Doesn’t everyone want a little spice in their life? I want everyone to know and be fully aware that I will continue to reinvent what it means to be a person who won’t play by the rules. Proud to be different and misunderstood. Can you handle the truth?
What’s important about all this is that I am finding comfort. Comfort in who I am as a human being and the unique perspective I bring into this world. I can only describe this comfort as if being wrapped in a warm blanket fresh out of the dryer. I feel so at ease and happy to know that I am no longer afraid of what people may think, believe, or see me as. My opinion is powerful. My beliefs are valid. My right to express these is respected and protected. Please don’t take offense!
Screaming Through The Noise: